I'm back baby

I completely forgot about my blog until I did a google search for something completely different and my blog popped up as one of the results. I stopped posting because I suspected somebody at work found and read it. I meant to delete it but it was so long ago now, she's probably forgotten about it. Do people even blog anymore? I'll have to start reading some of my old favourites too.

I didn't even realise I still got messages- thanks. For any old readers, here's the catch up.

*I finally went to Europe - was pretty awesome.
*My father is marrying -again
*I had my goddamn stomach banded because I'm a greedy fuck and the world's fattest vegan.
*I still hate people

I have had this stomach band for about 7 weeks now and have lost quite a lot of weight. One day I'll be brave enough to admit all the stats but not today. You would be horrified if you knew. I eagerly await the nasty, judgemental replies about my operation. It's fun!

Just last week I started chewing and spitting again. I can't eat massive amounts, so this is the only self-destructive thing I can think of. Logical huh?

I'm seeing a psychologist for the first time this week. Poor woman! I anticipate burdening her with every problem I have in 55 minutes and then walking out a rational human being.

I hate that I live in a wealthy western country with ridiculous western problems.

Lame Lyrics

I love listening to the radio for really bad song lyrics. Check out these two gems.

Rob Thomas is supposedly considered a good songwriter. I beg to differ (though I didn't mind that song he did with Santana).

Something to Be

Dress down
Now I look a little too boy-next-door
Maybe I should try to find a downtown whore
That'll make me look hardcore
I need you to tell me what to stand for


Top stuff Rob!


When It All Falls Apart
The Veronicas

These are twins with music like Avril - only they're more annoying as the bits in brackets are sung by the other twin.

With a kiss on the side my face (not again)
And not to mention (the tears I shed)
But I should have kicked your (ass instead)
I need intervention
Attention to stop temptation to scream


Do songwriters just get out a rhyming dictionary and go for it?



(Have ignored this blog as have had a number of heath problems which narrowed my focus - plus, I don't have access to a computer at home.)

We are family!

Was in the supermarket yesterday in a pleb suburb and spied a father with an 8 year old and a 4 year old son.

[Dad picks up gossip rag]

DAD: Look kids, Jessica's pregnant (Simpson, I presume).

8 y.o.: Really?

DAD: I wonder who the father is.

8.y.o.: Me!

DAD: You wish!


This is verbatim.

Live Cockroach Jewellery

Went to funeral. Afterwards, released deeply repressed anger etc. Surprising when that stuff comes to the surface.

The latest fashion accessory is apparently a live, bejewelled cockroach. I've been culturally trained not be fond of cockroaches but this is just mind-boggling.



http://www.abc4.com/local_news/local_headlines/story.aspx?content_id=3502F420-D813-485C-B5DA-69226910E639

You can watch a video at that link, it's not a hoax!

If you love jewelry and you love insects you're in luck. Local fashion designer Jared Gold has both available at his Black Chandelier store in Trolley Square. Gold sells crystal studded brooches made from living Madagascar hissing cockroaches. "They're Austrian Swarovski crystals and they come in all sorts of colors and each roach has his little pattern on them so they're all individual" says the avant garde designer.Gold says his company buys insects from a breeder in Los Angeles. A co-worker actually sticks the crystals to the back of every bug. Its a painstaking task that involves what he calls, "a secret process." They go for forty dollars each, and Gold says they're selling like hotcakes. But, what will animals rights activists say? Gold says, "It's funny everybody asks that and the reality is...to PETA, it's just a bug, they're vermin really and we just kind give them a new texture. What we do to them in no way injures them or harms them. They live very great lives eating really good food and riding around on fabulous people." Gold has been selling the roaches since last October, but he says a lot of people bought the bugs during Christmas. If you would like to know how to contact SCUMBAG INC, you can log on to their web site at:REFUSE TO PASS ON URL Story by Kerry Kinsey kerry@abc4.tv


[rant] Fuck I hate mankind (no surpise there). Humans can be sick fucks. Didn't they learn anything from Disco Stu's dead goldfish in his platforms? Although I feel I may have passed on advertising for this company, this story just shows humans' belief in their 'dominion' over other animals and their desperate superficiality. Let's stick shiny rocks on these 'vermin' so we can convey the impression that we are elite. I assume the 'fabulous' people who buy these think that they're cutting edge but they're actually taking a few steps back on the evolutionary path. Humans really can be low-lives. In fact, I bet the main reaction to this story is: "Ewww! How can they touch a cockroach!"

[/rant]

I am evil Homer

Stepmother just died. Bitter, resentful self is batting with compassionate, kind self. We are at an impasse.

This post is just for me

So I went to my father's house today. My stepmother only has a few days left and he wanted me to see her. I haven't seen her since I was 13. The first time I met her, she was standing over my hospital bed and this time I stood over her bed.

She was so thin and frail that she didn't even look like a human being. In fact, I didn't recognise her as the same person. I wept right there but if was more from shock and being uncomfortable with the whole situation. My Dad told me to say things from my heart.

I said was sorry we didn't have a relationship and that I was sure she was going to a better place.

I was lying.

I don't feel any love for her beyond that of a general compassion for a suffering human being about to leave the ones she loves, including her sisters, children and grandchilden. As for the better place, I don't really think there is one.


I'm very upset that my father asked me to do this. He doesn't know I was upset as I put on a brave face and faked my way through it. He must have asked me because he loves her.

Since I got home, I've been crying and reflecting on the horrible time I had as a kid (dual parental abandonment, rejection, neglect) and I feel very resentful of them both (and my mother as well). I keep thinking how different my life would have been and what a different person I would be now if they all hadn't done what they did. Parents should make it clear that they love their children by putting them first.

I don't know. I didn't feel comfortable in the living room of 50 of my stepmother's relatives. Only one was genuinely friendly. I couldn't have got through it without my brother there. I felt as though they were all judging me- and they were.

Now I'll be expected to go to the funeral and won't even have my brother there, as he's going overseas. I'll do it for Dad but I really don't want to. I have my own things to deal with. I'm finding it hard to extend myself this much.

I know, my woes don't compare to someone dying of stomach cancer but they matter to me.

I've always felt that I was a pretty nice person but today I feel like a horrible, unfeeling monster.

Heeeeeeeeey!

Watched a bit of the Oscar's the other night but switched off after GEORGE CLOONEY WON AN ACTING AWARD. With the knowledge that Keira Knightly was also up for BEST ACTRESS, I couldn't go on.

I have a beginners' English class and one student, a 55 y.o. disabled Chinese guy, came to class in a brand new T-shirt. It was bright blue and on the front it had a picture of the Fonz with his thumbs up and the caption said: I f***ed your girlfriend!

I was in a bit of a bad mood before class so it made me chuckle. He said he had bought it on special the day before and asked why I was laughing. I typed F*U*C*K into his electronic dictionary and he was mortified. After the break, he had his t-shirt on inside-out and vowed to only wear it in his house from then on.

Was sorry to hear about Dana Reeve's death from lung cancer. Just read Christopher Reeve's autobiography "Still Me" last month and she really was an angel who understood the meaning of love and sacrifice.

I have to keep her in mind tomorrow. My father has asked me to visit my stepmother (his wife obviously). She is about to die of stomach cancer. I don't want to see her and haven't since I was 13 (I'm 30). There are many reasons why I don't want to. Some are childhood scars but even when viewed as an adult, considering what went down back then, she's not someone I want to visit. However, dying people should get their wishes, right? I'm doing it for my Dad, right? You should do anything for family, right? Compassion is my strong point, right? I'm a mature adult, right? It's harder for her than for me, right? Why am I dreading tomorrow?

I'm just glad my brother is coming with me.